One foot in at a time

If I could snap my fingers and magically start eating perfectly tomorrow, I would
but of course that would be WAY too easy...
I mean, after trying this over night miracle several times and miseraby failing, I had to get realistic with myself
It was about time I tried a more practical method. Like setting one goal at a time.
I needed to put one foot in at a time in the pool and give my body a chance to slowly get used to the cold temperature change. Time to stop trying to jump in head first only to hop right out after feeling the shock and noticing I was in way over my head.
This way I could focus on one bad habit at a time in attempts to conquere my "demon"  then, once I felt like I accomplished it, I woud set a new one.
For me, it's not hard to break habits... it's just getting past that first week.
After that first miserable week when you feel like, "how the heck do people do this?"...BOOM, the next day after you have resisted temptation, saying no to the cookies, the carmel popcorn, and the sourdough spinach dip at that holiday work party, you feel unstoppable.
I may be alone on this but personally, just that feeling of success alone, is enough to keep me on track.
I started this method quite shortly after I started this blog
I'll refresh you...

Goal #1 Lose 2 pounds that week (When I was weighing myself)
Goal #2 No more night eating
Goal #3 No sweets, No Bread
Goal #4 No more weigh ins
Goal #5 No more fast food/eating out
Goal #6 No more high sodium food

Goal #2 though darn it...
I understand we all have our personal weaknesses.
but Goal #2 is the DEVIL....My own personal devil that one day I will destroy.
Goal #2 I have had to skip over and over and move on to the next goal and try to go back and accomplish it later. EVERYTIME.
New Years Resoution: Operation No Eating At Night.
I got this.

When beating yourself up doesnt work, beat something else.

WARNING: this is the only post I will write that doesn't exactly fit the theme of health and fitness.

HOWEVER, I think stress, how we feel inside, and how we deal with things can play a huge part on our well being as a whole.
For example stress can turn people to food, some people bury it inside them until they literally become ill. Others let it consume them to the point of depression where they lose all their zest in life or interest in taking care of their body.
Stress can effect you in negative ways and for some people (like me) can affect your attitude and health.

I realized personally I was stressed when I finished writing my blog today. When I went back and re read what I had wrote and saw that it was more like a diary than a heath and fitness blog,.
"Ok Jessica whats wrong now?"
I realized today this Christmas Eve 2010 I belong in Los Angeles NOT Sacramento.
I feel my body getting antsy, my mind wanting routine, and my heart yearning for something exciting. You may even go as far as saying I sort of resemble some kind of wild creature in a cage. Only, my cage is a little place called, Fair Oaks.
But Christmas wasn't even here yet...
I had to figure out a way to stay sane and happy for three more days until I returned home so today I ran.
 And I ran and ran and ran. Seven miles at least. This usually cures me for the time being so I was surprised when I drove the whole way home with my eyes full of tears and a urge to punch something/one.
So I went with my instincts and listened to what my body wanted to do (or so you could say that trapped creature in the cage wanted to do)... and that was to smash something into another thing and I needed to plan it out soon before I took it out on the next person I came in contact with.
I couldn't stand to have it apart of me anymore.

I took a hammer and a few fireplace logs out in the backyard and had at it.

Now I know your thinking I'm crazy at this point but hey whatever I found a temporary release
Sure, I obviously need to find a less dramatic way in the future to cope when I feel as if I hit a wall but for today I had to do what I felt like would help.

When beating myself up didn't work, I beat something else :)

I did it! I did it!

I understand this may sound pathetic and probably, to some people, even roll-your-eyes worthy but today I went a day with no mess ups! YEE

And no, this doesn't mean I didn't eat, or counted my precise calories consumed, or burnt 4,500 calories at the gym.

But on a day where I was on the road for five hours faced with hardly any choices besides grimy packaged 7 eleven snacks and fast food joints for me at every stop, and  the full cabinets of carb's and delicious goodies on every table waiting for me at home. I filled myself up with fresh fruit, chicken, tuna, beans, and greens and I called my friend after my arrival nap and she ran the neighborhood with me as the sun was going down. Followed by a gym session with my boy.
I'm honestly surprised at how little of an effort I had to make to have an "error free day". I think it has something to do with this blog. Talking myself through my own advise, keeping positive, and ultimately being my own guinea pig.
Actually now that I said that, I realize, I haven't dreaded to be active everyday but am excited about it! Dare I say it is even becoming therapeutic? I notice when I get antsy I search for something to do. Since this blog, I have made a habit out of channeled  this energy out on the concrete and running shoes. Now running doesn't feel so much like a chore but a feeling of success.
Also, my cravings for sweet and salty food haven't been nagging at me during my days (and late nights) nearly as much as before. I think I am starting to truly care and understand how I choose food by how I want to feel the rest of the day, and not just talking about it. Like ACTUALLY doing it.

As a matter of fact, I can't even remember the last time I struggled fighting with my "bad side" like I used to.

Maybe CHANGING OVER TIME is the key?
Not expecting to change your habits dramatically overnight but having it be more about setting the particular goals you want to reach/or things you want to cut out of your lifestyle, forgiving yourself when you mess up, and thinking about the conscious decision to be good to yourself that day by taking an hour to break a sweat or choosing an apple over a quesadilla.
Meaning everyday, even if I didn't succeed, I just turned it into more motivation to push to work harder the next meal or the next day.
Changing our minds to healthy thoughts and eventually our bodies will follow. Being patient with ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be human and recognizing even we have to sometimes train ourselves to do simple things.

P.S. There was so much love in my house when I arrived home this afternoon. Just positive energy all around. Could be my change of attitude, who knows, but man it felt terrrrific.

Especially having a great time with my two little sisters company in particular, feels like our relationship gets more mature and stronger every time I go back for an occasion. silly girls :)

Social Life? Or Healthy Life?

Tomorrow morning I am off to the place I was born.
Oh good ol' Fair Oaks, California where the weather keeps you snuggled up inside on the couch, the friends like to eat out, and the grandparents bring the desserts.
The perfect formula for a mini catastrophe.....bring on the bloat which seems to stay through the month of January! ;)
I know I am not the only one who's bad at peer pressure. How many times have you thought you were "being good" until all it took was for someone to casually invite you to a huge caloric trip for a scrumptious ginormous Chipotle burrito? And their buying? How can you say NO?! you can't right? It is free and all.... then for the next meal, and why not the next meal? and the next and next and next.
haha
Hmmm think Jessica, think. What would you tell yourself in a few days that will help you keep your insanity following this lovely holiday week? Sure, I play off like I have a lot of self discipline but do not be fooled. All it takes is a setting where all there is to do is play around with friends and family, no responsibilities, no work to go to, no school to attend....personally, I dive into unhealthy-feel-good-now-world and I never look back.
I am not lying to myself, I know what always goes down over the holidays but I have got to at least attempt what seems like the impossible.
Maybe I will try something I never have before.....
Getting the people I am surrounded with, in my native town, to help me stay motivated and on track without realizing it! I can try and get some family members or some friends to want to make the little rainy drive to the gym if I set a time to go everyday that they are all available.....ORRRR
I can go on field trips to the grocery store to get yummy healthy things each night for dinner and cook meals for my family to avoid the temptations of holiday food and dining out.
(could be an opportunity to learn how to cook a little bit too ;)

So the moral of the story is that I have noticed the influence of the people around me plays a huge part of what I do and don't do. So getting people I love and that are around me to support me, may be my best bet.
Let's see how this pans out.

What do you think? Can you keep a social life and a healthy life at the same time?

Get Excited!

If your dragging your butt getting to the gym on a winter day where you would rather stay inside.... either do something about it to lift yourself up or simply don't go.....

But I would highly recommend changing your mood, figure out what gets you excited and motivated whether it's keeping a few inspiring quotes around the house or going and buying the new magazine that just came out that month and using it to read while doing some high level on the olyptical. O L Y P T I C A L, is that how you spell it?

WHAT I DO: I pop a five hour energy (all natural vitamins and good for you), eat something small portioned healthy snack, get my juices flowing and get in my workout mood  by either running upstairs or doing a quick stretch in my studio, and then I have my man meet me to keep me pumped and push me through my work out.

   Im going to start bringing my iFlip everywhere for documentation. It'll give me a break from typing so much and you'll be able to see my retarded face more.

It's a win, win.
And yes Im aware people that I haven't quite gotten the angles of the camera yet,but maybe with practice I'll get better at getting my whole face on the screen. Maybe.

ok, so I failed.... whatever.... moving on

   Ladies and Gentlemen, here its the epiphany of my city. This picture doesn't do much justice to this poor girl's months of probably starving herself but, in person, I couldn't believe she even had enough muscle to hold her 5'6" body up!
Perfect example of what I am constantly up against, ray bands over her eyes, baggy $300 hobo dress/shirt, messy bun, with high heels on her feet so tall she could hardly keep her ankles from shaking.

The coffee shop across the street from me is a particularly hot spot for these ladies. But it is also a place where I have met the most positive and inspiring people. (I understand in the next paragraph I will not be talking about health and fitness at all....)

I mean just today for example I run into a man who completly made my entire day. A person who has the same positive attitude and zest for life, and love for health and fitness just like me. I believe you attract what you give out. If you talk to, and give your energy to even the strangers that you just happen to come in contact through your day, you have a better chance of meeting other people just like you because you will naturally be attracted to eachother. It's a beautiful thing and even though it does not happen everyday, I have met a few people that have made a strong impact on me at this silly little coffee place. Such an impact in fact, I owe them all a thank you because they have inspired me start going after what I originally came to Los Angeles for. Nothing on purpose, but they did.

P.S. I must confess my sins and tell everyone that I couldn't even make it one night without eating past 8. Thats right folks, I woke up without checking my clock either in a sleep walk or a state of mind in which I had no care in the world. In my mind it was morning so I ate a few chicken sandwiches and some eggs.
I get back into bed and dare to check my phone..... whoops it's 3am....not breakfast time, or even close.
So what do I say to myself when I wake up full and remember my late night feast from a few hours prior?
It's okay lets try again tonight, no need to be upset about it.

"When you fall down get back up or else you'll NEVER get off the floor."

Goodnight Food, See You in the Morning

To the people who do not have a problem feasting at night time, ruining their whole day of healthy eating, small portions, and strenuous workouts. Don't read much further because this doesn't apply to you.
But if all of your calorie intake for the day consists after 9pm like me, listen up and try this with me.

NO EATING PAST 8 PM. NO EXCEPTIONS.

I have done this before and after a week I felt like a million buck. Weight seems to melt off and no more waking up with a full belly the next morning.
I feel bad for the people who are going to be around my grumpy, pouty butt for the next few weeks during the nightime. I would be lying if I said this was going to be easy.

But I can do whatever I say and truely wan'tto do in the end. And like I said a few days ago in a recent post, I can not explain the powerful feeling I get when I set out to do something, go through with it, and meet my own goal. Theres something about proving to yourself you can do something that is undescribable.

So tonight is Operation No Eating Past Eight.
Hey this may even turn out helping me to keep away from eating out too. Two birds with one stone.

Starting to feel upset already....
I can! I can! I can!

NO MORE WEIGH-INS

For the people who know me on a personal level, know that I can tolerate most things
I don't hold grudges, break down easily, or give anything or anyone the opportunity to ruin my day...
BUT,
something crazy happens to me when I step on a scale and see numbers I don't want to see,
almost like someone else jumps in my positive body and takes over all my sanity and tranquility that I have
I knew, and I even admitted on this blog that I haven't been eating PERFECT
but honestly they were just slip ups at night time here and there and if I am still running 5 miles a day I still can manage to lose some weight that week right???
WRONG.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 1 pound GAINED. *insert, mixed feelings of wanting to punch myself in the dome/ curling up and ball and crying sobs of pity, here.*

Body fat was measured next and I found out I had actually still lost another 1.5 percent body fat
that's actually a good thing meaning I probably just gained muscle but this feeling inside me had already manifested and took over me for ten minutes before hand and I couldn't stop it.

So of course what do I do? I run 3 miles on the treadmill two times faster than normal
no music. not even much thoughts running through my head.
Just in the zone getting rid of all emotion I can't even explain in me, out of me.

It's really hard for me to fail and not accomplish things I set for myself. Which is two pounds every week.
"It's possible. I've done it before. I work hard enough." are the things that I get down on myself about.

Thank goodness these things only last a few hours because then I clam down and take myself out of my body.
What I mean by this is a talk myself through it (usually consisting of calling my poor mother who listens to my daily breakdown and lets me talk and talk and talk till I actually make myself feel better, I can't stress enough how thankful for her I am). This is what it came down to and what I told myself....(and I hope other people can do this to themselves too when they get down on themselves)....

"Jessica Darlene James, you are striving for something you can never be without accepting yourself. Even when you reach this 'goal', if you aren't fine with yourself you still will not be satisfied. You are 21 years old trying to work, go to school, date, make money, juggle friends, be a good person, live by yourself, be successful, all while trying to have a perfect body. What the heck are you thinking. Trying to be superwoman now? Why can't you just accept being how you are, stop obsessing, and DROP IT. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get shit done, and stop complaining just do something about it. period."

MORAL OF THE STORY; If something affects you so much to the point that you don't even recognize yourself and drives you away from being the fabulous, amazing person you want to feel like.
 Look at yourself from a strangers point of view and give yourself a slap in the face.
 Because lets be honest.... you more than likely need it.

no more weigh ins for me

No bread, No sweets

Could it really be as easy as that to lose a few pounds?
I was discussing my blog and my love for consuming large amounts of food with a man yesterday
During this half hour talk I managed to eat 4 granola bars and an egg sandwich
somehow I kept the converstaion from being one sided between chewing and swallowing
but my point to this is he simply looked at me in the eyes and said, "it really doesn't need to be that hard. You don't need to count calories, or work out three times a day, or deprive yourself to small meals. Just cut out bread and sugar."
Could it really be that easy though? I'm going to find out.
Weight in in an hour and then starting off the next week with everything but bread and sweets and we'll see what becomes of it. Readddddyyy, OK.

Emotions in the way

Weigh in is tomorrow and so you would think I would be more careful about what I eat.
This isn't the case today and yesterday.
The only thing thats saving me from feeling guilty about eating that footlong sub yesterday, popcorn, and a granola bar
is that all those items are somewhat okay but when it comes down to weight lose its all abou HOW many calories I'm putting in my body
sure, WHAT I eat determines how I feel but too-big porportions makes me feel just as sick.
.......I snacked on a few fries and a bag of tortilla chips from chips from chipotle ontop of my burritotonight.
I refuse to think this is me getting off track because my lack of focus.
okay, so it may be a part of the reason but then I looked at how I've been FEELING
and I realized  that my relationship with my boy has been feeling a little odd the past few day
were spending too much time together lately and I think we both are starting to realize we need a little space
trying to not take it personally and respecting his space, I'm not one to voice my uncertainty

so I solved my problem. I EAT LIKE HOW I FEEL.
im worried which makes me stressed which makes me eat which makes me numb which makes me focus on something else...... like for example how uncomfertably full I am.
Glad I have gotten that figured out. I guess I just needed to talk it out. I feel much better already :)

Hot Pocket?

Just woke up this morning early early early this morning.
Stomach feels so big from dinner, 4 "diet cookies" and a philly hot pocket.

Okay I get it, I get it.
Put shit in my body, feel like shit for the next day.
I'll try to think of this next time I mindlessly put the most disgusting thing down my throat.
ew a hot pocket jessica, really?
hehe

New Chapter

So I have been thinking a lot of my health and my fitness and trying to figure out why I go back in forth.
I care about my body for a month or two and get in the best shape of my life and then choose to ditch the gym and healthy eating for the next two months until I finally can look at myself in the mirror without gagging.
I realized I need to write these things down so I can look back and go by my own tips when I'm getting off track
Maybe this can help you out too.

TIP #1 BEFORE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR OUTER BODY QUICKLY FROM FAT TO FLAB YOU MUST LOOK INSIDE AND MAKE SURE YOU ARE HAPPY INSIDE
so many times Ive worked out because I felt guilty or disgusted with myself, then emotionally I would be so down about not seeing results right away I would give up and continue my bad habit of eating a whole pizza before bedtime. When I'm happy an appreciate my body then I turn to work out because it makes me feel good, not bad. This boosts my motivation and gives me a better reason to want to take on Runyon Canyon.

TIP#2 SURROUND YOURSELF WITH NO ONE WHO ISN'T AS POSITIVE, MOTIVATING, AND SELF AWARE AS YOU WANT TO BE
If I'm hanging out with a friend everyday who smokes and constantly wants to get a drink to "relax from a hard day" I'm going to be spending my time consuming alcohol and smoking which makes me feel like shit. Instead I could be using that time being outdoors in the fresh air moving my body getting those positive endorphins going. Who wants to hear about someone else venting about how horrible their family, guy situation and job is.This is subconsciously bringing you down and that not what you need while your trying to live a happy and healthy life.

TIP#3 STAY AWAY FROM FOOD THAT MAKES YOU FEEL DISGUSTING
Fast food or going out in general, just don't do it. Would it really hurt to just stop at a grocery store and actually be able to glance at a label to make sure your not going to feel guilty about probablly consuming a days worth of calories in your breakfast? Or for example, if dairy like cheese makes you feel groggy or large portions of bread, skip the guilt don't eat it or dwell on it. And don't be around people who are hoing to give you shit for making healthy choices like this, their just jealous that your taking care of yourself, so stick around positive awesome people, this takes you back to tip #2.

TIP#4 YOU DON'T NEED THAT COOKIE
lets be real you probably are just craving something in your mouth. Carry around apples, whole wheat english muffin, something and then stuff your face with that. Your hunger or cravings will subside.

TIP#5 PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN
I start off with a protein shake every morning. Low carb and high protein, it keeps me full and  I can't explain how important it is to start off with a healthy meal. It sets the tone for the entire day and if your still hungry have a few pieces of toast. Then you feel good through the whole day knowing you aren't feeling guilty and can eat freely through the rest of the day because you didn't eat your whole day worth of calories. This takes the stress off of planning what to eat all day.

TIP#6 EAT ONE THING AT A TIME AND WAIT AN HOUR
My problem is that I'll eat an apple while Im waiting for my eggs to cook, then Ill put on the brown rice and then wait one im done with that I notice I still need more protein and need to make some eggs.Onnnne itttemmm at a tiiiiiime. That's the hardest thing for me is once I feel like I'm starving or haven't eaten enough calories. I make up for it by eating everything I need to up to that in a 20 minute span. Usually right before bed. Eat enough through the day so you don't binge. All your hard work goes to crap which then ultimately leads to guilt. Bringing you back to problem #1.

I'll think of more later. It's funny how I have all this knowledge and knowing still in a few months I'll have to go back and refresh my mind on my own advice. I'm so bad :)
Time to hit the gym

Week Two

Weighed on Monday and the results:
Two pounds gone
Two percent body fat gone

That with me slacking off on Saturday and eating a bunch a crap late at night
mmmmm chocolate chip cookies :)

Im trying not to focus so much on exact calories Im eating because I do not want to get in the habit of HAVING to write down everything I eat to stay within a calorie range
I need to learn how to just know my limits and listen to my body
protein protein protein and skipping any junk because of the fact that I just do not want that kind of thing in my body

So now I'm day 3 on week two and I have ran everyday
finally feeling fit and athletic again
about time.

3 days later

Two-a-day workout's are in play and I can't seem to stop myself.
4,000 calories burnt each day and then yesterday I only worked out once and still burnt 3,000
Besides me wanting to be happy everyday because I feel good each morning when I look into the mirror, my baby Andrew is another big motivation.
Everyday he works out, EVERYDAY!  And just to maintain not to lose weight.
How stupid am I, from here on till I reach 130 pounds it's not going to be about working out everyday to be skinny, Im going to do it because I care about me.
So my 3 days have been consisted of:
UCLA running the track and the stairs,
running to the gym and back in the mornings,
taking the stairs everytime I go into my apartment,
taking the upstairs section during work,
protein shakes. apples. yogurt. and wheat toast.

All it takes is to  say and really believe your going to do something (like when I told myself I was going to do two day workouts) and then proveto yourself that you are not all talk and do it.
I realize that's why I have been feeling so hard on myself and "letting myself go"...
because I wasn't following through with anything I said I waa going to set out to do and that just gets tiring after a while!
Lesson learned.
JUST DO IT.